More than just getting your mind right...

On Tuesday (Jan 8th), friend to the family and mentor Terrie M. Williams released her most revealing work Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting. This book serves as a wake up call to the Black Community, especially those dealing with pain and depression. The book came as a result of the enormous out-cry of help/relief/need from her 2005 article in Essence Magazine in which Terrie shared a very private and sensitive chronicle of the years she spent masking her depression and putting on her game-face. Terrie is a trained social worker and founder of The Stay Strong Foundation, so one would think that she would know how to deal with depression. This goes to show you that EVERYONE can be affected.

All too often, we ignore the signs of depression by saying, “Oh, she is just crazy.” “You just need to give it over to the Lord.” “Stop acting out!” Instead of looking at the underlining cause of many problems, we simply brush it under the rug and categorize our strife and something else.

This book gives a voice to the disease. Through her personal accounts, those of everyday people and even personal stories given by celebrities, Terrie shows that depression is prevalent in the Black community. She offers hope and proves real talk for when there is nowhere to go but up.

For more information on Black Pain, visit http://www.thestaystrongfoundation.org/ or email at twms@terriewilliams.com








Until next time...

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Women And Happiness

I was at a dinner party earlier this week just talking and relating on different experiences. A bunch of young professionals talking about politics and family and careers and of course relationships. Now I must say that I’m used to these sorta talks, especially when women are around. Although, quiet as it’s kept men discuss it too. For different reasons and in hopes of finding a solution but still we discuss it. I’m not sure how the discussion started because I got up to wash my hands and when I came back it was already in full conversation mode. One guy and one girl were discussing the choice mother phenomenon (which is when a woman stores her eggs for the future and then uses them when she is established in her career. The choice is that she purposely doesn’t have a husband. She hits up the sperm bank. Yeah!) which I knew a little about from a NY Times article that came out last summer. The woman’s point was that for her it was the best option since she hadn’t had any luck with finding in her estimation a suitable man. She is 33 and has her own place and a good career as trial lawyer in Brooklyn’s Appellate Court. She was tired of dating cheaters and dudes who didn’t work. The dude at the table barked back that this is a stereotype that is tired. I was eating guacamole and chips but I was listening as other people chimed in. Then when I was ready I dropped this masterpiece. I said, “ women don’t know what the hell they want. They don’t know how to be happy.”

Now I love women. I love Black women especially (not to offend anyone but I love my own kind and I don’t see anything wrong with saying that), but women these days are out of their minds. I made reference to a report that came out earlier this month
by a group of researchers at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. They found that the average woman is much more unhappy then say her mother was. Here is a quote.

"We find that women have become less happy or less satisfied with their lives over time and less happy relative to men," said Betsey Stevenson, an economist at the Wharton School. "Surprising, perhaps, given the increased opportunities and choices for women in the modern world."
The study found that women feel they have too many choices and too many responsibilities, which adds to their feelings of sadness. Women are now often stretched and stressed between the workplace and home. "Women end up with a lot more responsibility and men play a lot more than women do," one subject said.

The report didn’t factor in age or race and I’m speaking of mainly African-American women in their late 20 and early 30’s. But I still see it. Women always seem so dissatisfied with everything. Especially men. Labeling us as dogs or players or liars or underachievers or whatever. You can even see it on TV. All the new shows and movies have women on top of their game and they have to settle for some loser dude. Like in the movie “Knocked Up” where all the females in the movie walk around like their sh*t don’t stink and act like they’re doing the men a favor by being with them. But what I’ve found since I’ve returned to the dating market are a bunch of selfish, negative minded people.

Its like today’s women are never satisfied. I’m all about aspiring for the best but you gotta be the best yourself too. Just being sexy isn’t enough. And just making 100 Grand isn’t enough. You have to have a good personality and be someone we would want to raise our children. Just be okay sometimes and stop with the crazy expectations. For instance I went out with a girl last month and when she got to the restaurant (late at that!) she brought along her friend from college. I was like that’s cool, it no big deal. Now if I ask a girl out I always pay so when the check came I paid for her but not her friend. Do you know that the girl was bothered by this? Saying it was rude and inferring that I was somehow in the wrong. Her friend was shaking her head like she was appalled. Now, mind you this other girl wasn’t even supposed to be there. And the girl I did ask out is not my girlfriend. We had only met a few weeks prior. Lets just say that I don’t associate with her anymore. And throughout the summer i've met a lot of women who are just boring or corny. All they want to talk about is their careers or something superficial. Yet we are the ones with problems.
They just complain about the last person they were with. How he didn’t do this and that or whatever. Yeah there are a lot of idiot dudes out but i'm sick of women not taking any responsibility for their actions. They’re too promiscuous and then they complain when men objectify them. Or they spend all their time on their looks and wonder why I get bored with their minds. Or the most popular, “im a lawyer/doctor/executive and I’m doing this and that and I can’t find a dude on my level” type of chick. Those are everywhere in NYC. Women forget or maybe don’t know but us men we have a lot of things to deal with too. Yeah some of us are scum and some of us got kids we don’t support and criminal records and some of us just don’t really care about the women we date and their feelings and some of us are corporate sell outs and some of us are corny and boring. Some.

Many of us are good dudes. The truth of the matter is I’ve always been a good dater (I just have good taste in food and clothes and i'm funny and that other stuff that women like. I don’t think they really understand me though) and women are interested but get confused when I back off. And I sometimes tell them, being pretty and getting your hair done and having a great career is just part of the equation. We also want women who are fun and humble and intelligent but most of all positive. Who believe in the goodness of the men they’re dealing and not the negative stuff all the time. We’re not all assholes.

So going back to the dinner party the women who was tired of dating losers asked me since I knew so much why was I single? My reply, “ I’m waiting on the person who treats me like a friend and a lover instead of as an asset. I have faith.” Her reply to me?
“ I don’t care about faith, I want to be happy.”
Wow. Don’t you need one to have the other?

-Khalid

Cancer Clusters

In the news today, they were talking about concerns about Cancer Clusters in Sayerville, NJ. Residents in this area are worried about the levels of Cancer in their environment. I don’t blame them. If I lived near a Superfund* site and had all sorts of pesticides and shit in my environment, I’d be terrified. Wait a minute… I actually do. I live in the Bronx. We have the notorious Cross Bronx Expressway which is a major producer of smog. What are the residents saying about it? Not much. Well, you actually don’t hear them. See, the Bronx is the poorest county in the nation. Yeah, go figure. Who would’ve thought that in the big rich city of New York, the Bronx’ population is struggling more than a trailer trash bumpkin in VA who has a common law marriage to his first cousin, Loretta. This is as per the last US Census.

When I lived in Harlem, I was enamored by the gorgeous Riverside State Park. There is a running track, ice/roller skating, picnic areas, vendors, play areas for the kids, soccer fields, just good times to be had. To my dismay, I learned that the Riverside community was pissed off that the city put a waste plant in their community and were fighting like hell to get it out. Rather than loose millions and get rid of the plant, the powers that be decide “Hey, just throw some grass and a park on top and they’ll be happy!” Surely enough, they were. Haven’t read any articles about complaints; haven’t even heard anything from former neighbors. Let’s see how the children who are playing on this grass turn out in 20 years. Remember on the Simpsons when Mr. Burns said that he’d eat the three-eyed fish, yeah, it’s that real.

Until next time…

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*Definition of Superfund
WordNet - Cite This Source
superfund
noun
the federal government's program to locate and investigate and clean up the worst uncontrolled and abandoned toxic waste sites nationwide; administered by the Environmental Protection Agency; "some have intimated that the Superfund's money may have turned into a political slush fund" [syn: Superfund program]
WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.