Friends & Family Day... no, not shopping

I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. For some, this is the best holiday of them all: Macy's parade ( on TV or in real life) good eats… ham, turkey of course - fried, baked, burnt, not quite cooked – cranberry sauce, squash, yams, stuffing/dressing, mac-n-cheese, soup, potatoes – mashed, sweet, garlic, salad - greens/cabbage, everything else and you can’t forget the sweets – pumpkin pie, sweet potato pie, coconut custard pie (resorting to your childhood and licking the bowl)… massive email texts with variations on ‘HAPPY THANKSGIVING” “Happy Day when the pilgrims stole the land of the true Americans” (I had like 30+ texts. So many that my Treo froze telling me I didn’t have enough memory so I had to delete texts and reboot); arguments about family (damn sister-in-laws, bad ass kids, pets, Auntie’s nasty food and why did she bring it, who is helping clean up, who the hell is farting), politics (Hilary’s butchness classic Uncle Frank statement:“how can she control a country if she can’t control her man” vs. Barack’s lack of experience); pissin’ contests comparing years of service in the ARMY/Marines/Air Force/whatever; arguments over damn Mexicans (They’re taking our jobs. Well are they really?) and yada-yada-yada.

It is always great when family and friends come together. Sometimes you may think it’s a drag, but in the end, you realize that it might be only once a year that you get to be baggered about who you are dating, that you get to see your little cousin Jason who really isn’t so little anymore, that you get that home cooked meal and don’t feel guilty about eating 3rds or 4ths, that you feel the love and warmth of true family and friends.

I couldn’t spend this holiday with my family, so one of my girlfriends (B. Rocks!!!) invited me down to spend it with she and her family. I’ve hungout with them plenty of times so I knew I would have a blast. A Rocks family favorite is tip-cup, but we didn’t play it. Okay, basically tip-cup is a relay race in which you have x amount of people on one side of the table vs. x amount of people on the other side. At the sound of the buzzer (or just say “GO!”) the first person swallows down about ¼ of their drink of choice. After they drink it down, they slam down the cup to prove it’s empty and place it on the edge of the table. This is where the tipping comes into play. They must successfully flip their cup over – landing on the brim – before the next teammate can go. The anchor for each team has about ½ a cup to drink and must successfully tip their cup. The first team to successfully tip all their cups wins that round. Each person must be an anchor. LOL. Good times and a quick way to get wasted. I struggle at this game. The kids usually beat me. Hey, I’m a light-weight. Yes, they play, but not with booze. Since I’m an adult, I must play with booze.

Here is a crazy little video I took on my Treo - quality isn't the greatest, but I wanted to capture the moment :-) The Rocks and I were sitting around trying to calm down the rambunctious kids. Uncle Michael broke out the mini guitar and began singing ‘Puff the Magic Dragon.’ From there we sang other kid-friendly songs, laughed, drank and ate pie.

Peace, peace familia!!

Be Seen at the Top!

Love is patient...

I just had a moment the other day. (sigh)

There have been previous posts regarding relationships and women and blah, blah, blah. I feel this song goes both ways. I would sing it to my man of interest and hopefully vice-versa. Well, if there was such. This is a bangin song, so I had to share... You know it, so go ahead and sing along.





Be Seen at the Top!

~Bettina

Have you Seen Her?

When I think about relationships, the conundrum lies in the fact that the older you get, the more refined your search and courting requisites seem to be. Now I could never put-on the chickens that I would sometimes entertain in my early 20’s. It’s a gift and a curse, being that I am in my early 30’s and as I stare at my more current dates across the Cheesecake Factory’s booth, I wonder whether I could potentially marry the woman I am having my first date with. Crazy but that’s just how I think now. Maybe my perspective is too critical and I should just dig into my salmon and see what jumps off later but truthfully, I’m not embarrassed to think like a man now. I always say that God, on his most simple level, gives man something to think about. And now I am not afraid to think of the repercussions or potential outcomes of dating and relationships. I do know what I don’t want out of a relationship though. And that is a woman that throws all, I mean 100% of her interest and worth into me without regard to herself. Everyone has heard the “I can’t love someone who doesn’t love themselves” quote. And there is true merit to that statement. As a woman, you cannot revolve your whole life around a man. You have to deposit some of your precious sustenance back into yourself. Think of the word attractiveness. In order to be attractive (regardless of looks) one must be magnetic or have a magnetic personality. That means that you draw things, opportunities and especially people to you. But in order to retain what you have attracted, you must be a whole person yourself in order to keep a whole person. That is scoring the “total package”. Symbolically, when you get married, you exchange, rings which represents the giving and receiving of your mate’s entirety. When you bond or join these rings, or 360 degrees of yourself, then you are able to build and add more than what you could as individuals and bring a third party into the situation in the form of offspring. I know that the more I better myself and eat right, exercise, work hard, and always learn, I will grow my self esteem and self image. When I grow my self image, I can see myself doing even greater things and place myself in better surroundings around other upwardly mobile and interesting people. And I do believe that it is then that I will see her. Peace

Women And Happiness

I was at a dinner party earlier this week just talking and relating on different experiences. A bunch of young professionals talking about politics and family and careers and of course relationships. Now I must say that I’m used to these sorta talks, especially when women are around. Although, quiet as it’s kept men discuss it too. For different reasons and in hopes of finding a solution but still we discuss it. I’m not sure how the discussion started because I got up to wash my hands and when I came back it was already in full conversation mode. One guy and one girl were discussing the choice mother phenomenon (which is when a woman stores her eggs for the future and then uses them when she is established in her career. The choice is that she purposely doesn’t have a husband. She hits up the sperm bank. Yeah!) which I knew a little about from a NY Times article that came out last summer. The woman’s point was that for her it was the best option since she hadn’t had any luck with finding in her estimation a suitable man. She is 33 and has her own place and a good career as trial lawyer in Brooklyn’s Appellate Court. She was tired of dating cheaters and dudes who didn’t work. The dude at the table barked back that this is a stereotype that is tired. I was eating guacamole and chips but I was listening as other people chimed in. Then when I was ready I dropped this masterpiece. I said, “ women don’t know what the hell they want. They don’t know how to be happy.”

Now I love women. I love Black women especially (not to offend anyone but I love my own kind and I don’t see anything wrong with saying that), but women these days are out of their minds. I made reference to a report that came out earlier this month
by a group of researchers at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. They found that the average woman is much more unhappy then say her mother was. Here is a quote.

"We find that women have become less happy or less satisfied with their lives over time and less happy relative to men," said Betsey Stevenson, an economist at the Wharton School. "Surprising, perhaps, given the increased opportunities and choices for women in the modern world."
The study found that women feel they have too many choices and too many responsibilities, which adds to their feelings of sadness. Women are now often stretched and stressed between the workplace and home. "Women end up with a lot more responsibility and men play a lot more than women do," one subject said.

The report didn’t factor in age or race and I’m speaking of mainly African-American women in their late 20 and early 30’s. But I still see it. Women always seem so dissatisfied with everything. Especially men. Labeling us as dogs or players or liars or underachievers or whatever. You can even see it on TV. All the new shows and movies have women on top of their game and they have to settle for some loser dude. Like in the movie “Knocked Up” where all the females in the movie walk around like their sh*t don’t stink and act like they’re doing the men a favor by being with them. But what I’ve found since I’ve returned to the dating market are a bunch of selfish, negative minded people.

Its like today’s women are never satisfied. I’m all about aspiring for the best but you gotta be the best yourself too. Just being sexy isn’t enough. And just making 100 Grand isn’t enough. You have to have a good personality and be someone we would want to raise our children. Just be okay sometimes and stop with the crazy expectations. For instance I went out with a girl last month and when she got to the restaurant (late at that!) she brought along her friend from college. I was like that’s cool, it no big deal. Now if I ask a girl out I always pay so when the check came I paid for her but not her friend. Do you know that the girl was bothered by this? Saying it was rude and inferring that I was somehow in the wrong. Her friend was shaking her head like she was appalled. Now, mind you this other girl wasn’t even supposed to be there. And the girl I did ask out is not my girlfriend. We had only met a few weeks prior. Lets just say that I don’t associate with her anymore. And throughout the summer i've met a lot of women who are just boring or corny. All they want to talk about is their careers or something superficial. Yet we are the ones with problems.
They just complain about the last person they were with. How he didn’t do this and that or whatever. Yeah there are a lot of idiot dudes out but i'm sick of women not taking any responsibility for their actions. They’re too promiscuous and then they complain when men objectify them. Or they spend all their time on their looks and wonder why I get bored with their minds. Or the most popular, “im a lawyer/doctor/executive and I’m doing this and that and I can’t find a dude on my level” type of chick. Those are everywhere in NYC. Women forget or maybe don’t know but us men we have a lot of things to deal with too. Yeah some of us are scum and some of us got kids we don’t support and criminal records and some of us just don’t really care about the women we date and their feelings and some of us are corporate sell outs and some of us are corny and boring. Some.

Many of us are good dudes. The truth of the matter is I’ve always been a good dater (I just have good taste in food and clothes and i'm funny and that other stuff that women like. I don’t think they really understand me though) and women are interested but get confused when I back off. And I sometimes tell them, being pretty and getting your hair done and having a great career is just part of the equation. We also want women who are fun and humble and intelligent but most of all positive. Who believe in the goodness of the men they’re dealing and not the negative stuff all the time. We’re not all assholes.

So going back to the dinner party the women who was tired of dating losers asked me since I knew so much why was I single? My reply, “ I’m waiting on the person who treats me like a friend and a lover instead of as an asset. I have faith.” Her reply to me?
“ I don’t care about faith, I want to be happy.”
Wow. Don’t you need one to have the other?

-Khalid